We’re nearing the season of vomit-inducing skinship and unnecessary boasting of so-called perfect relationships. During this seemingly endless month, couples get to completely disregard the desperate screams of civilians begging for the untimely PDA to be put to rest. But anything I say is just a drop in the ocean of discourse, no one really wants to hear my opinion. Which is why I am not expressing an opinion, I am stating a fact. Valentine’s Day is arguably the worst ‘holiday’ ever celebrated in a high school setting. 

First of all, who really wants to buy and/or receive overpriced chocolate for someone you claim to have all the love in the world for, when in reality, this love of your life will only last a couple of months at best. Why waste the money? Tell your current significant other that you are their present and that they should be grateful you even took the time out of your day to whisper sweet nothings to them. Treat yourself instead.

Go buy those expensive shoes you’ve been eyeing for two months, go to that new restaurant you’ve been wanting to try since it opened, go buy a cheap urn on Amazon to put the ashes of your desensitized self into. Okay, maybe not that last one, but you understand what I’m trying to say. Right?

Secondly, if you think civilians will gush and swoon over your relationship, you’re wrong. Hopefully, no one has actually ever thought that, but humanity never ceases to amaze me. No one wants to see the obscene affection, the traumatic display of sucking face, and especially the ones who have no filter for the outside world. I’ll leave that one to your imagination. Express your feelings about each other in private, even if you’re both two-timing each other. I can’t seem to understand why that concept is so hard for people to grasp. Not two-timing of course, don’t misunderstand me.

If you’re still reading and haven’t already made a complaint to the newspaper, I genuinely appreciate your intelligence and ability to take a joke. However, since I am not currently in a relationship and am sad enough about it already, I stand by my potentially hurtful words. Valentine’s Day sucks and no one can change my mind.